Piggy’s Blog - Journey of Success

Yes. I believe people can change, that it is possible for anyone to create positive change.

Then how come people seem to be unable to do so?
Even when they know for sure they want positive change…
Be it personal finance, health, relationship, or life-in-general…

I will take a crack at the answers, and I hope you are ready to read with an open mind.

Wrong Expectation

When people talk about change, they often mean that they want change without effort. They want magic pills. Everything people do, everything people want, is a matter of instant gratification. People are high on the instant gratification drug. They want something and they want it NOW. Simultaneously, they want results but they do not want to pay the price.

Obviously, they could not be more wrong, if they truly want permanent positive change. That is why you and I keep hearing people keep talking or thinking about changing this and that but never see any results. Or they tried this and that but nothing worked. Perhaps you are one of them. How can one expect to change with such expectation?

Change is difficult. Change is never easy. And nobody wants to hear that. Change involves being uncomfortable. That is why the phrase “go out of your comfort zone” exists.

The Curse of Habits

The ways one person acts and thinks are habits. Creating positive change means substituting bad habits with new ones. Old habits require discipline to get rid of. New habits require discipline to adopt. The longer you have maintained an old habit, the longer it takes you to learn and adopt a new behavior as a habit. This is the nature of habit. This is the reason why it becomes harder to change the older one is. And yes, it is possible to change even if you are mega-old.

To create permanent positive change is a constant struggle of changing habits. And it WILL take time and patience.

Doing Differently Feels “Wrong”

Change means doing differently, and doing differently is awkward. To change means having lots of awkward moments because things you have never done before naturally feels wrong (and uncomfortable) when you first try it. People are not ready to do “wrong” and be uncomfortable.

One of my favorate quote from the movie 40 year old virgin:

Andy: This doesn’t feel right.
Jay: Of course it don’t feel right! What has felt right for you doesn’t work! You need to try some wrong, dawg.

The Intractable Ego

People is obsessed and in love with being right. They will do whatever it takes to defend what they think is right. Everything else is wrong. When you let your ego dictate you like that, you will be intractable. If your ego is too strong to bend, then it is unfortunate because part of changing means admitting what you think is right is in fact wrong.

Not a fan of finding faults within yourself? Then ask yourself the question, “Do I want to be right, or do I want to be better?” What is your answer?

Options and Backdoors

People make it an option to change. I am not saying you must change. If you are happy the way you are, that is wonderful and I am happy for you. However, if you want to change, you must make the choice to change and not let it just be an option. You cannot leave yourself with backdoors to back out. You must finish what you started.

And you must not dissuade yourself with crappy excuses such as “Yes, but…”, “I am too busy” because whenever I hear people say those, it means they are not ready to do what it takes to change.

Loneliness

Believe it or not, when you start to change your behaviors, you make others uncomfortable. Not only that, you may find yourself having difficulty to communicate to others and to have others understand you. This turns into a certain degree of loneliness each person who is changing must face. And it is possible that you may have to find a whole new set of friends.

Additionally, if you are striving to do something extraordinary, it is certain that you will face discouragement and isolation from people you know. Because not everyone has the same goal and perception to be extraordinary, or as I would call it — greatness. So really, not everyone, not many will understand you.

If you want to change, ask yourself the following questions…
Am I ready to get uncomfortable?
Am I ready to struggle constantly?
Am I ready to do it 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year?
Am I ready to be wrong?
Am I ready to go from the starting line to the finishing line without giving up?
Am I ready to be different from your peers, friends, and family?

Lastly, I think it boils down to the next few questions…
Do I want to be better?
Do I want it bad enough?
Am I ready to do whatever it takes?

As I at in the office plugging away at the keyword today, or not, since I got distracted and something hit me…

Life is not sitting in an office/cubicle for most of the day.
Life is not climbing corporate ladders.
Life is not about fame.
Life is not being super-rich.
Life is not having MacMansion.
Life is not about drama.
Life is not killing each other.

Life is compassion.
Life is having genuine relationship.
Life is appreciating what nature offers.
Life is simple.
Life is living in the moment.
Life is changing.
Life is learning.
Life is singing.
Life is playing piano.

Yes, I am a bit of a dreamer and I like it. I tell myself to work hard to move more and more toward what “Life is” everyday.

I find myself driving slower these days to get better gas mileage amidst erupting gas price. On top of that, I spent $450~ to replace the tires on my Scion tC with some BF Goodrich g-Force Super Sport A/S tires upon hitting 45,000 miles. So there goes my economic stimulus payment! (which I have not received yet)

It is worth it though. It feels great to have improved maneuver and quieter cabinet versus driving on bald tires. With better traction, I expect a slight boost in my gas mileage but that remains to be seen until my tank empties. And finally, I hope it will last me a decent mileage before next replacement.

At this point, it is a bit sad that I am influenced to slow down for economic reason because I am a fast driver. My motto is to be fast, safe, and efficient which means I know my car well and know what I am capable of and drive at speed appropriate to road and traffic condition, again — for the purpose to be fast, safe, and efficient. That means I drive fast only if it does not lead to lots of braking, swerving, and middle fingers. I prefer not to be found mutilated in some road ditch or a hole in my head due to road ragers.

Guess what else is rising gas price causing? A stronger desire to run people of the road when they make me slow down unreasonably. A specific but typical scenario is when someone blows by me at 100mph, cuts in front, then upon a curve brakes to 100 times slower, at which point I want them in the ditch with a hole in their head.

Now I don’t claim to have answer to the gas price/demand issue. I may give some good old-fashioned behavior change suggestions because it is no secret that the U.S. uses more than half of the gasoline supply in the entire world. Base on that fact, I think it means we need to somehow consume less gas than we had.

I do know one thing though. It makes me shudder when Clinton and McCain claim to “give Americans a break” by suspending the gas tax on oil companies. This shows non-thorough thinking and short sightedness because…

First, it is not guaranteed that the gas tax suspension on oil companies will trickle down to us commoners, in which case, it serves only to fill the if-not-already-full pockets of those companies. Second, even if it does translate to lower gas price, 20~ cents decrease per gallon means diddly squat because converted to a scale of monthly saving, it means no more than $10-20 monthly saving for most folks. Well, that gives us 20-40 packs of instant Ramen noodles each month… But they will need to prepare a solution for when everyone is high on sodium with failed kidneys, high blood pressure and other heart diseases.

Like many things else these days, it sounds like nothing more than a gimmick.

I am not a big political person, but something tells me that Clinton and McCain’s goal of using the gas tax argument is only for the sake of campaign and obtaing votes. If otherwise, that they truly believe this will help to save Americans choking from gas price, it demonstrate how they do not have clear thinking and long-term perspective. Either case sends shivers down my spine if they reach the White House.

People loooooove to label themselves, and even more so people love to label other people. Sometimes they want and work hard to get certain labels put on themselves, but sometimes, they do not like the ones being put on them. There are lots of labels…

Geek, jock, redneck, obese, depressed, tree-hugger, left-wing, right-wing, middle-class, super-rich, black, white, yellow, atheist, Christian, Jewish, Methodist, Protestant…

At the same time a label is attached, a set of complimentary attributes is attached on whomever the label belongs. Moreover, everyone has his own set of adjectives to slap on to other people. It works like this… You are a geek, and therefore you must be a genius who likes Star Wars but are socially inept and boring. Or, you look like a jock, and therefore you must be proficient in many sports but you probably do not have a brain and will always act like a frat boy.

You can obviously observe that everyone is different in his or her unique ways. However, there is a distinction from simply observing, accepting, understanding, and appreciating the differences than labeling each other in a desecrating and segregating manner, which is what labels are mostly about nowadays. It is absurd and stupid but it is happening all around us with high frequency in our society. People are people. People are not labels.

Do you know the notion that often follows implicitly the sentences that label?

I am such and such and you are not…
You are such and such…
…therefore, I am better than you. Ha!
…therefore, I am right and you are wrong. Loser!
…therefore, you suck. Go home and cry to your mama!

It is natural human instinct to seek security, comes as a survival instinct of the animal kingdom. People probably flock to these labels because label provides them a sense of security by allowing them to associate with groups. However, there comes a time when we need to see that it is hurting us all together. People have complexity and at the same time, lots of commonality.

Label separates us. Label creates hurt feelings. Label often leads to anger, resentment, and hatred. Label limits a person within what the label stands for. In a way, label is another way ego manifests itself, where a set of “should-have”, “should-be” attributes and qualities that is provided through labels.

Label makes us judge prematurely, and keeps us from genuinely connecting with people. It holds us back from the exerting the effort to get to know others for who they really are. What we can do instead is, throw away the labels and open the mind and heart to truly listen, understand, and feel who someone really is. This is the way to create meaningful relationship.

One great but sad example is how people are “diagnosed” with depression and other so-called physcological symptoms these days. You can tell I am not a big fan of this. It is sad because these fellow human beings would get labeled and forever carry a stigma. It is sad because the best cure for many of them is for others to sincerely care, show kindness, and perhaps connect with them as persons. However, once they are labeled, people treat them differently, shun them, and call them creepy, weird…

I am not upset but to use myself as an example… I am Chinese and was born in Hong Kong, and I am a computer science graduate, which tosses me into the geek label. I may have some attributes associated with those labels, but I as a person is so far and remote from being ONLY what those labels denote. I am me, not those labels. I am me, not my name Kin, because name is just something that other people call you, as in label. I am me.

I am especially displeased with the events that label causes in terms of religion. Not that religion is a bad. You are this and I am that, and we cannot be friends. You are atheists and you must be a cruel, cold-blooded being. People focus way too much on what religion they belong — the label — to a level of obsession. Is that what religion is about? Does it really matter which one you or others choose? My answer is no. You know what is one common theme amongst the teachings of all religions, new and old, large or small?

Compassion — a genuine concern and understanding and wish of well being for people and nature because they are all connected.

The moment people focus on labels, the moment they lose sight of compassion. Religion itself has a good purpose, but people have the tendency to lose focus on compassion participating in the other aspects in religion.

Label separates people. I say get rid of all labels. Stop using labels.

Imagine someone egotistical… how are they like? I predict you have the image of a flaming jerk in your mind. What does it mean to be egotistical? How is it that some people have more ego than others? Following is how I will break it down.

Ego is a product of thoughts. It is a composite of all of our thoughts that project into a self-image of what we think we ought to be. One may think he or she needs to be confident, pretty, macho, skinny, full-bosom’ed, wealthy, know-it-all, normal, non-conforming, etc… Take a moment to look inside yourself to see the qualities and attributes you think you should have. All together, that creates an image of what you think you should be like. That is your ego.

Ego exists in all of us, and it is not necessarily negative. It is okay to have ego. Saying ego is a bad thing is like saying the fact that we have emotions and thoughts is a bad thing.

Most non-physical pain and suffering spring from the fact that the ego becomes threatened. The ego can be threatened by external attacks or through your internal dialogues, where you struggle because you feel you must be exactly like your ego but you are not. Negative emotions are producted in the process, such as anger, resentment, fear, envy, and jealousy. However, it does not have to be like that, with the pain and suffering.

Imagine someone said something to insult you, or perhaps a rumor going around about you. Something to the effect of “You are worthless.”

Do you feel hurt?
How would you feel about it?
In reality, do you become worthless?

You will probably feel hurt and angry, even though it did not make you worthless all of a sudden or take a part of you away. If anything, it is part of the ego that is lost. Your ego says that you are have some or a lot of value, and as this person challenges that, you become angry.

In such a scenario, there are 2 outcomes(choices). You can choose to react purely base on your ego and the resulting emotions. Or, you can choose to react objectively and optimally with the knowledge of your emotions and thoughts. It is obvious which choice can provide a better ending. Hence, ego produces pain and suffering for you when you react to situation base entirely on your ego and your emotions. And you do so because you may yet see your own ego, and it becomes out of control when you act like you are it.

Now that we are clear about ego being a matter of thoughts and emotions, dealing with ego is the same as dealing with emotions and thoughts. Sorry for being repetitive, but I can be sure you get the point now :)

Once again, the key lies in awareness. As stated, ego is not a bad thing per se. The goal is not to get rid of ego, just like we should never aim to remove or suppress our emotions and thoughts. You must embrace your ego as your emotions and thoughts and at the same time, be aware of their existence. Once you start to become more and more unaware, you know that you ego is not you.

In the above scenario, once you notice what you are thinking, the anger can go away because you know the other person did nothing to you, although he did something to your ego. And because your ego is just what you feel and you think, there is no reason to be so dramatic. Unless you feel you are very very important and are at the center of the universe… which is another form of ego.

For more details, please read Dealing with Emotions.

As a personal observation, a lot of thing is out of whack today is due to out-of-control ego. More and more so, the society puts a huge emphasis on monetary and materialistic wealth. THE RULE is that only with abundant or excessive wealth should you be considered successful, and ONLY THEN you can be happy. What craziness.

But as a result, people think they need to be rich. They HAVE TO be rich. Their ego is a rich and “successful” person, and without being aware, people act base solely on such ego. As a result, people do whatever it takes to make money and often do terrible things to the environment and other people. It is truly a sad state of affair, and I studder watching people continue to act upon such runaway-train-like ego. If they keep doing it, a train wreck is simple inevitability.